My wife and I adopted an infant daughter more than 50 years ago. A couple of years later, we adopted another. They have brought great joy into our lives and are wonderful, caring wives and mothers.
When she was quite young, our oldest daughter heard a mention of abortion during a newscast and asked me what the word meant. How does one explain such a horrible thing to a child still in elementary school? I prayed for help as I groped for the right words.
My wife and I had been concerned that the girls might someday hear negative comments about adoption or their “real” (biological) mothers. Consequently, by this time my wife and I had explained to the girls that their birth mothers loved them but had been unable to care for them, so we had frequently used terms such as “sweet adopted daughter” and “birth mother” in positive ways. Now I would have to put my arm around this daughter of ours, or at least hold her hand, as I told her something like this.
“Sometimes a baby starts to grow in a woman’s tummy. The woman might love the baby so much that when he or she is born, the woman, whom we call the birth mother, takes the baby to an adoption agency. Then a man and woman who don’t have a baby and want to be a mom and dad can adopt the baby. That’s how we got you and your sister. Sometimes, though, the woman who is growing the baby doesn’t want the baby and will pay a doctor to take the baby out of her tummy before it is ready to be born, and it dies. That is called abortion.”
Our dear daughter was understandably horrified. Looking at me, she emphatically stated, “I’m sure glad my birth mother didn't ‘abortion’ me!”
I replied, “Mom and I are, too.”
That daughter has given us four outstanding grandchildren, and her sister has given us one, a grandson who recently graduated from Calvin University and is newly contracted to be a teacher, like his parents and Gram and me. Yes, we are eternally grateful our daughters’ birth mothers chose life.
About the Author
Kenneth Van Dellen has master’s degrees in invertebrate zoology and geology. He taught geology and environmental science at Macomb Community College in Warren, Mich. He and his wife, Pearl, are members of Faith Community Christian Reformed Church in Wyoming, Mich.
