How Can I Stop My Kids From Constantly Fighting?

I struggle with my kids’ constant fighting. How can I stop the competition so our home can find some peace?

Parenting is a challenging job, and we can feel overwhelmed when outnumbered by children competing for attention. Breathe deeply and ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit as you consider how you can change the environment.

As parents, we set the baseline tone in the home. Consider the model you are setting. Are you able to express your frustrations clearly without raising your voice or losing your temper? We also set the behavioral standards for our children. It’s our responsibility to make the rules clear—for example, “In our house, we use kind words, we avoid yelling, we don’t call names, and we never hit.” In essence, we help our kids recognize the expectations and hold them accountable for living up to them.

Sometimes children act out because they lack the skills to express their feelings. We can help our children by giving them the vocabulary to express themselves. Name their emotions. Anger often flows from big feelings of sadness or frustration. As children give expression to their big feelings, we can acknowledge their emotions and guide them to better ways to cope. As children practice new ways of expressing themselves, they gain social skills that will give them confidence for navigating relationship challenges.

Children might not admit it, but they long for the approval and attention of their parents. When we recognize that need, we can prioritize affirming all that our kids are doing right. Affirmation sets a positive tone in the house and provides a gracious model for our kids to emulate. Take time to affirm the good rather than just correcting the negatives. Our call to speak the truth in love begins with making sure our children feel loved, cared for, and valued, even when we need to tell them no. Our children will be able to hear our correction and respond positively to it if they feel secure and loved.