A husband and wife walk into a dentist’s office. The man tells the dentist, “Doctor, I’m in a big hurry. I have two buddies sitting in my car, waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.”
“All right,” the dentist replies, marveling at the man’s bravery. “So which tooth is it?”
The man turns to his wife: “Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.”
—Hank Kamp
Humility is a virtue noted primarily by the desire in others for you to possess it.
—Ellis J. Biderson
Quit griping about your church. If it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
—Ena De Haan
Our reading group at the University of Iowa was discussing the purpose of a university and the value of knowledge. One faculty member meant to quote the first question and answer of the Westminster Catechism: “What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy him forever.” But instead she said, “What is the chief end of man? To know God and annoy him forever.”
—Ed Laarman
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer during a worship service: “And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”
—Cyndi Boss
I have good news and bad news,” a preacher announces from the pulpit. “The good news is we have enough money to retire the mortgage on the church building.”
A sigh of relief goes through the
congregation.
“The bad news is the money is still in your pockets.”
—Gene Potoka
Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore were delegated to Synod. With grave concern, Winnie said to Eeyore, “We’ve got to get the sin out of Synod.” Eeyore replied with a yawn, “Yes, Pooh, and we need to get the nod out of it too.”
—Tim Luimes
