I grew up in a large family with three older brothers who raped me whenever they wanted. One of the brothers often flew into a rage, and I was his punching bag.
My mother blamed me for everything. She called me names and treated me like a slave. Who says words don’t hurt?
When I was young, I told a trusted friend’s mother a little of what went on. My mom said I was lying and kicked me out. But I had nowhere to go.
Where was God in the midst of all this pain?
Whenever I hear about a person who experienced abuse, horrible memories come flooding back.
I tried talking to my family. One brother said, "I did that in my youth, and all my sins are forgiven." There has never been any remorse, let alone an apology, from my mother or any of the brothers. The brothers continued to abuse their wives and kids, even their grandchildren. They are all divorced, for which my mother blamed me too. When one grandchild, who was not yet school age, told me she was abused by her grandfather, I called the police.
The whole family was up in arms.
My sisters deny they were abused, but I know better. I was the only "crazy" one, because I went for counseling. They pretend they grew up in a loving family. I don’t talk to many of my siblings because I can’t deal with all the lies.
My first three counselors, all Christians, loaded me with Bible texts and said that I had to forgive, which made me even feel worse. They never affirmed that what happened to me was wrong. But how can there ever be reconciliation when my abusers don’t acknowledge that what went on in our household was against God’s will?
Before he died, my dad called me to his hospital bed and apologized to me. Dad said he couldn’t go against my mother.
Three weeks before my mother died, I asked why she hated me so much and let all that bad stuff happen to me. She stuck her tongue out and turned her back to me.
It took me a very long time to believe and trust that there was a loving God. I beg God to help me. I still go for counseling because I am haunted with terrible nightmares.
So many Christians live with the pain of abuse. The actions of abuse have lifelong consequences for those who are abused. So why is the church not preaching about these sins?
