While giving a lesson on fractions, our school’s math teacher wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, “Are there any questions?”
When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. “Mr. Alexander,” one student giggled, “you have chalk dust all over your denominator!”
—Dawn Gebben
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
—R. Smit
It was the last day of vacation Bible school and my mother was discussing next year’s theme—Galactic Blast—with the craft leader. My mother said, “Next year we need to cut down on the decorating. It’s just too much work.” So I added, “We don’t need to do any decorating; we can just have space.”
—Elly Schreuders
A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheesemaking, explaining that goats’ milk was used. She pointed out a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A sharp older gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
—David Hollander
My 8-year-old granddaughter came to me with a unique question: “How does a mermaid give birth?” She also had a unique answer: “By sea-section!”
—Rudy W. Owehand
It was the Labor Day holiday weekend. In church the children’s story leader talked about what we celebrate on special holidays. Christmas? Everyone knew. Easter? Again, the right answer was given. Labor Day? A little confused, the children looked at each other.
Then Amber piped up: “I know! On Labor Day we celebrate the day before the Queen had her baby!”
—W. Kamphuis
Our 4-year-old granddaughter, Paige, was flying her kite when the string ran out. Thinking she might be disappointed that it couldn’t go higher, I made a comment about it. Her response was, “It is so high it is to Jesus!”
—Earl Holden
I was babysitting my two granddaughters, Kortney, 3, and Megan, 1½, at a relative’s swimming pool. When Megan fell and hurt her knee, she didn’t want to go in the water. I said, “The water will be good for your owie.” Then Kortney said, “That is psychology!”
—Sandy Sall
Golfers gathered at a prestigious country club for a charity golf outing on a bright sunny morning. A minister among them was asked to open with prayer. Overcome by the pristine setting and the beauty of the day, the preacher announced, “Please open your eyes, observe nature’s beauty, and join me in prayer.” Several golfers, including the preacher’s son, skeptically looked at each other, wondering if the cleric was joking.
After the prayer ended, everyone expected a super tee-off from the minister. They were disappointed when he topped his golf ball and it rolled only a few yards down the fairway. His son grimaced. Quietly he said to a friend, “Can you believe it? My dad prays with his eyes open and tees off with his eyes shut.”
—Frank Calsbeek