How Much Should I Compromise to Save My Marriage?

I am concerned that by preserving my marriage I am compromising myself and risking my emotional, mental, and physical health. How much should I compromise to save my marriage?

Preserving your marriage is work and certainly requires sacrifices.

Jesus reminded his peers that spouses are to cling to one another (Matt. 19), but he acknowledged, as did Moses and Paul, that it’s not always possible.

There are many good reasons to sacrifice for your marriage, including helping a spouse get through a challenging season and creating a stable environment for your kids. In some seasons one person contributes more than the other to the relationship. But when this becomes chronic and only one party puts effort into keeping a relationship healthy, that behavior is abusive. Jesus gave instructions for calling out bad behavior and setting limits around it (Matt 18:15-20). We put boundaries in place to hold others accountable for their actions and to protect all those who are at risk.

God’s word instructs us to go the extra mile and give generously (Matt. 5:38-40). Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan was filled with sacrificial acts. However, even the Samaritan was not expected to sacrifice everything to care for someone else. The innkeeper lent a hand so the Samaritan was able to attend to his own concerns. The Samaritan gave a lot of his time and energy, but he did not sacrifice everything. His personhood and autonomy were still intact. Carrying the whole load without support is unrealistic for an extended period of time. We are fragile human beings who need care and connection to survive.

A Christian counselor can be a wise guide in helping you practice good self-care and set wise boundaries to care for everyone involved. Pursuing marriage counseling is wise.

Compromises are necessary in relationships, but they should not erode our emotional, mental, and physical health. We need healthy boundaries to preserve our safety. Everyone should give generously in relationships, but as image bearers of God, we are in no way expected to submit ourselves to abuse.