Support and Accountability

I remember being at a classis meeting where a minister was being deposed due to significant challenges in his personal life. This pastor was given an opportunity to speak and, with the arms of his colleagues around his shoulders, he stood at the mic and quoted this proverb: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Prov. 27:6).

The meeting was a difficult experience for this pastor. It was tough for his colleagues and friends, too. They had to navigate how to walk alongside him, shoulder-to-shoulder, and help him see not only that his life is no longer congruent with ministry, but that they were taking action to remove him from his position.

There was pain all around. But this community was trustworthy. The pastor ached for an alternative, but accepted the accountability from those who loved him.

Not one without the other

Support and accountability should always come as a married pair. Accountability is best when it happens in a relationship and carries with it a commitment to walk with the person or group being held accountable. Otherwise, the wounds of accountability may not be trusted.

Likewise, a healthy community cannot merely have a supportive role. Good friends must offer each other words of challenge. A community that is deep and sturdy will push one another to grow and be accountable for their words and actions. The truth of the proverb is not only that wounds from a friend can be trusted, but also that true friends can be trusted to speak painful words of truth when needed.

A network of support and accountability

This column is part of a series on the purpose and value of a denomination. I believe that denominational communities can offer churches a robust possibility for healthy support and healthy accountability.

Like others, I have been part of ecumenical church networks within a city or town. They are often rich and rewarding experiences, particularly for pastors. Some have pointed out that they have such a great experience ecumenically that they wonder about the role of a denomination for them.

My questions would always be: Which of these churches can be expected to be there when a pastor behaves in ways not fitting for the office? Or to challenge a church that is mistreating its pastor? Or to help out when a fellow church is experiencing a pastoral vacancy? Or to make a long-term commitment to walk together in joys and challenges?

To be part of a denomination is not just to be a collaborative partner; it is to make a commitment to mutual support and accountability, offering it to other churches and leaders and receiving it from others.

We can do better

The Christian Reformed Church in North America has been struggling with this. Yes, there are bright spots, and some of our support and accountability structures are great on paper (especially classes). But overall, our denominational relationships are not as strong as they could be, and those relationships that are strong seem increasingly to exist in echo chambers or closed tribes. In many cases, we’ve gotten worse at actually knowing one another, at being there for one another. Many don't do the work that relationships require.

It also means our ability to offer accountability suffers. If we don’t really know someone or a situation and haven’t done the work to listen deeply, our attempts to relate our concerns or offer a critique or challenge can feel inauthentic and untrustworthy, or we may avoid bringing a challenge because we feel as if we haven’t earned the relational credibility to offer accountability. And when accountability does come our way, we refuse to receive it. (Many appreciate accountability as long as it is for someone else.)

Where two or three are gathered

Many people don’t realize that the text “where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (Matt. 18:20) is not about being together for worship. It is part of Jesus’ teaching on accountability in the church. Jesus’ teaching is remarkably relational, with the goal of restoration. The promise that Jesus gives is that when we are in these challenging circumstances, the Spirit is with us. We need the Spirit's guidance and presence particularly in these moments. Wounds must be trustworthy; they must come from friends.

I would like to challenge the whole Christian Reformed Church to lean into support and accountability. Your denominational ministries are helping to develop relationships, mutual support, and how to challenge one another effectively. But these take the commitment of the whole community to raise one another up, to develop friendships within our churches and among our churches, to be willing to receive a challenge from another, and to grow—not just personally, but communally on our path of sanctification.